Where is the high moral ground?

The article on the book ‘Nanma Niranjavare Swasthi’ by Sister Mary in First Post is heart wrenching, disappointing and serious all at the same time. The fact that it evokes such diverse and mixed reactions is indicative of the sensitivity and complexity of the topic. Instead of giving a quick emotional response, I decided to delayer the three reactions. The views expressed are certainly personal but I do think they are reflective of the generation I belong to and it’s frustrations with the religion that our parents taught us to practice.

Firstly, the personal narrative of Sister Mary shook me up to the core. One, for the personal trials and tribulations she had to go through in spite of choosing the high noble path of service. And, also by the fact that her marginalization was compounded by her being female.  I can only barely empathize how it must have been to go through all that she did and yet manage to have the courage to stand up to her ideals. For living the message of service in the most pristine way possible despite the obstacles life had offered to her, I personally hold her in high respect and draw inspiration from her commitment.

However, abstracting to what the story symbolizes at an institutional and society level, it leaves me with disappointment. The story is a reflection of how church as an institution and more generally religious institutions, no longer stand on the pedestal of human excellence or the pursuit of it. In fact, this story reflects the slow but dangerous degradation of integrity of these institutions and our society as a whole. In the garb of high moral ground and a life of core values and service, these institutions in majority are turning out as platforms for debauchery and power exertion by men. Coming from a scientific and rational background, I would question the idea of celibacy and chaste life that most religions impose on their priests, nuns and monks. Especially, in the context of our modern social norms in which our films and all other forms of entertainment are becoming salacious by the day. It surely requires the highest degree of moral probity to not to yield to temptations of such messages. Either they have must stricter codes on how to uphold and practice the values they preach to their unsuspecting believers or these religious institutions need to question, innovate and think of adapting themselves to the changing societal norms. Values as they say are caught and not taught.

Lastly, the article raises serious questions about the role of religion and religious institutions in our society. To paraphrase Swami Vivekananda’s idea of religion, he said that if you can have the body of a Muslim, heart of a Christian and soul of a Hindu, you have reached the pinnacle of human life. What he meant was if you can practice austerity that Islam preaches, if you can serve others like Jesus did and if you can reflect within deeply like Gita says, you don’t need the crutches of religion to live in an uncertain world and pursue the highest truth. I hope that the story will make all of us question our own scientific temper and reasoning mind. What do we need religion for in life? Can we distill the teachings of all religions and practice them in an individual way? Can we question the lives of gurus, nuns and priests who use religion to manipulate unsuspecting people? More importantly, can we as a society or an aspiring modern society develop scientific temper and search for the fundamental truths through evidence, reason and debate?        

Article on Higher education for YouthkiAwaaz

Our first Prime Minister, Pandit Jawaharlal Nehru said, “A University stands for humanism, for tolerance, for progress, for adventure of ideas and for the search of truth.  It stands for the onward march of the human race towards ever higher objectives.”

Cleary, a knowledge society cannot be built and an IT revolution cannot be sustained without strengthening institutions of higher learning. Let us examine where we stand at this moment and what must urgently be done.

The race we have forgotten to run – a number diagnosis

Though the contribution of higher education to development, whether private or public returns is well established and quite significant, India, like many other developing countries, has not paid adequate attention to it.   Allocations for higher education have reduced from 25% in the 4^th Five-year plan (1969-74) period to hardly 7-8% in the Ninth Five year plan(1997-2002).

India and China had the same gross tertiary enrollment ratio around 10% in the late 2000’s. While China has managed to break away and grow at 15% every year, we have fallen behind by growing at 7%. The gross tertiary enrollment ratio has reached 15%, according to MHRD’s statistics on Higher and Technical education (2009-10).

International evidence shows that economically advanced countries with universalized secondary education that provide a fair degree of access to higher education have a gross enrolment ratio ranging from 40% to 90%. The converse is also true. No country with a low enrolment ratio of 10% to 15% can be an advanced country – economically, politically or socially.

In summary, higher education is clearly a race we have forgotten to run or chosen not to run.

The leap we never make in India – reports, committees and commissions to policy action

The Yashpal committee report (2009) on the topic of ‘Renovation and rejuvenation of Higher education in India’ is very instructive in understanding the challenges of the higher education sector. It also provides a logical agenda for action to recover the lost distance and the grand idea of a University. 

To summarize the report in a few hundred words would be gross injustice to the rigor of the analysis and to the complexity of the problem.  The challenges of social relevance of our Universities, architecture of learning to promote academic excellence and revamping current administrative and regulatory structures to deliver the public good of higher education are deep and multifold.

The agenda for action outlined is equally complex and challenging to carry out even for the most capable administration. Take for example, creating the all-encompassing National Commission for Higher Education and Research (NCHER), a constitutional body to replace the existing regulatory bodies including the UGC, AICTE, NCTE and DCE and appropriate law for the commission’s functioning.

Instead of getting into the details of the report, I will instead focus on the political follow up of the report. India’s problem of policy action has never been ignorance. We have had significant thought leadership and intellectual capital working on the problem at the macro level, be it through National Knowledge Commission and this report to cite a few examples.

However, it is disheartening to note that India does not have a dedicated Minister for Human Resource Development. It highlights the urgency and focus with which our government has tackled the problem. Our past governments on both sides of the political divide have been equally lax in their vision.

In all debates which ‘3 idiots’ movie prompted on our higher education system, none of the focus was on the big gap in enrollment numbers we have chosen to neglect or on the course of political and administrative action we have taken for the last six decades. Instead, in narrowing the discourse just to culture of learning in IITs and IIMs, we have showed an elitist bias in our understanding of the problem.

To truly start to move towards delivering the ideals of higher education, a system based on core values of academic excellence, social relevance and spiritual vitality, we first urgently need to inject accountability into our political discourse.  A simple demand of a dedicated Central Minister to start with, to represent the 85% children of our country who cannot crash the barriers of higher education.

Debut as a public writer - Youth ki Awaaz article on TFI journey

“How does one become a butterfly?” he asked

“You must want to fly so much that you give up being a caterpillar.”

Metaphorically, this is the same question I started with on my TeachforIndia (TFI) journey as a fellow in 2009. What is my depth of drive to serve people?  I always had deep reverence and admiration for Gandhiji, as how much one single man could do for millions of spiritually starved people just by changing himself. I hoped that such an intense journey of personal transformation will lead to discovery of my inner self – my self actualization need and my drivers for it.

During January 2011, I was running a Writer’s workshops based on central themes of the Lion King story in my classroom.  Our big goal for the year was to plan, perform and organize the Musical for the story. My kids were into the story at a factual and sequential level in Reader’s workshops since September 2010.  Wanting to take it up high on Bloom’s cognitive development level, I hit on this idea on integrating it in to writing as well. As is the process, you need to model the way of writing on the topic to the kids. Also, being 10 year olds, I realized that I really needed to delayer the emotion to the basic level so that it made a deep connect with all of them. In the process, I realized the distance I have covered on the journey of personal transformation during the course of fellowship. The themes that we wrote on were -

“I was put to shame when…” (SHAME)

I was a 16 year old caterpillar, who couldn’t take the possible ignominy of not cracking the IIT- JEE test and ran away from hostel for one full week on the streets. Now, the butterfly can make itself vulnerable in front it its kids by sharing any story of my life in intricate details, just like little Simba got over shame in the end of the story!

“I fear about...” (FEAR)

From fearing about being judged in public like Simba, I have shed my cover and inhibitions as I found my purpose being a teacher in front of my children.

“My responsibilities in the Circle of Life are...”  (RESPONSIBILITY)

From being self driven, I am now driven to make the TFI vision of ‘one day all children will have an excellent education’ a reality by 2060. It has given my dreams new wings.

“I want to serve….” (SERVICE)

I truly feel that I want to serve now, not out of self righteousness but because I believe that my happiness and liberation is bound up with the underprivileged children of this country.

“I am attached…” (ATTACHMENT)

From being a product of the rat race system, I am no longer attached to the fruits of my action and only focus on working positively. I have found my objective equilibrium with the world.

It is with this rooted deep desire to do something for the country which is purposeful, passionate and impactful, I reflected deeply about the root cause of our governance failures and my possible contribution to it. I have grown to believe that answer to bad politics is good politics. Power when combined with passion, purpose and integrity can fastrack wellbeing of people. One of the fundamental questions I asked myself was, “What does it take for a young person with idealism, intellect, integrity and Indian as his/her only identity to win an Indian election in the current scheme of things?”

It has been 65 years since we have realized our dream of political independence. However, we have yet to realize our economic, democratic and spiritual independence.

Any other field or profession in India has success stories of people who have beaten heavy odds to be successful. My goal is to show that we can crash barriers to entry in the field of politics in India as well. Irrespective of identity and position in society, a patriotic and spirited individual must be able to qualify to win and rise in our system of democracy. My mission is to demonstrate that it is possible and hopefully in the process institutionalize it through the Indian School of Democracy.

Studying at Harvard Kennedy School for the last one year has made me realize the importance of India’s urgent need for a public policy school which not only develops the discerning intellect of a student but builds empathy and integrity through community experiences. William Faulkner, an American writer and Nobel Prize laureate from Mississippi, would say “to understand the world, you must first understand a place like Mississippi”. I can vouch to that wisdom from my limited experience of two years in the Wadgaonsheri community in Pune at TFI.

I still do not have all the answers to the big question but believe in the direction which my ideas are leading me. Hopefully, going back to my roots after my study, understanding some of the towns and villages of India in all its hues and sounds, listening long and deeply enough to people and serving them in my own means might open up the necessary opportunities.

There is much to feel skeptical about the rationality of my logic and the audacity of my dream. To them I will politely quote Robert Kennedy, who paraphrased George Bernand Shaw’s, “Some men see things are they are and say why? I dream things that never were and say why not?

And on that day when I finally get to fly, you will know me and the fact that I have given up being a caterpillar!

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Toronto diaries

I traveled down to Buffalo(NY) on my way to Toronto, on a bright day when I got my hour of daylight savings back. I was going to spend a week with my maternal uncle's best friend(Venkat) and his family - Priya Aunty and their 14 year old son, Bhaskar. The week gave me a lot of time to take my mind off the academics, work on my ideas and think about life in general. Some of the ideas which stuck!

Family - I have enjoyed being a loner for a long time now. Though I have been surrounded by great friends at BITS, Unilever, TFI and during breaks at home, my best times have been with myself. To be honest, as vulnerable as I feel and have felt for being single, I enjoy the opportunity it gives to explore myself. All of last week was an exercise for me to observe what nurturing a great family looks like - the amount of effort it entails, the trials and tribulations of having children of your own, the pressures of having a life style which matches your ideals and means and more importantly, recognizing the costs of giving up things that you love to do for things a family wants you to do. Being on the other side of the divide as a silent observer and as a primary school teacher who went to the extent of assuming parenthood, I could see how hard they tried and how anxious they were for their son.  Coincidentally, I was reading Obama's audacity of hope at the same time and especially his thoughts on family. Whatever be the criticism about him and his administrative abilities, I have begun to like him a little more after reading through the book. Maybe part of it had to do with having similarities in life maps, political idealism and ambitions. His chapters on politics and family were honest, moving and very instructive. I could easily imagine myself going through all of it myself. In short, in lot of ways he spoke to my very core - identity, struggles and ambitions. I will leave it to nature to take it's own course  but I can't help but wonder if I would balance a public service life well with family life. At least, I have role models to look up to - close and dear to the mighty and powerful!

Empathy -  “When we grow in spiritual consciousness, we identify with all there is in the world. Then there can be no exploitation. It is ourselves we are helping. It is ourselves we are healing.” This quote by Dr V from Aravind eye care has been going around in circles in my mind for a while now. Partly because it came from a person whom I consider very dear and important, and partly because it spoke to me. A lot of questions have  sprung up within me immediately. My usual way of thought having trained as an engineer and now being trained as an economist is to look for problems I guess. I looked back at myself in the mirror and asked if I could have done better with empathy. So, here goes my random list. If you feel that I am a bad person after reading through the list, you will be forgiven. I have no pretense of being a saint either!

Can I really feel what it is like to feel inferior, depressed or under-confident by virtue of birth, labels and circumstances? Do I really understand the pains of being labelled as dark or downtrodden or dumb or unhygienic or uncivilized?  Can I feel the indignity of having to defecate in public or drink water from an open stream? Will I ever understand what it feels like to be malnourished during my childhood? Can I imagine the suffering of watching your dear ones die prematurely because of hunger and disease? 

Did I realize how my close friends felt when I took the liberties to crack smart Alec jokes on them? Being at the receiving end now, do I have the empathy to believe in transformation? How long will it take before I realize that at a primordial level, all of us are the same? Our fears and hopes, pleasures and pains, love and loss, ambitions and failures, we all have same the currency of spirit. How will I translate all of these questions into understanding the people I come into touch with - my roommate, my classmates, my friends and family?

As most engineers and economists do, I have the innate ability to raise great questions with no solutions! At the root of answers to all the questions, lies my ability to listen and observe very carefully. Listen without filters, observe without bias. A warm heart and a full mind. A heat full of grace and a soul generated by love as Dr. King remarked. Or a Muslim body, a Christian heart and a Hindu soul like Swami Vivekananda said. In reaching for those ideals and following the simple processes I hope to grow in spiritual consciousness. Try to find what is more common and celebrate the uncommon, and in the process find some joy within. There are somethings I am sure plastic cards can't buy and I am glad that it was this way!

 

The difficulty of being good at Harvard - Part III - Soul

Let me jump to the disclaimer right away. I started writing this blog partly hoping that it would crystallize my amorphous thoughts. To give some channel to the circular nature of my thoughts. I did not have a readership in mind. Though I do not delude myself into thinking that this will be read by a lot of people, I am humbled when people mention that they enjoy reading my reflections. So, I have to accept that I think of a reader when I write nowadays. As much as I write to myself, I try to speak to people who might be thinking like me out there. I also started to think of critics who make a mockery of my spiritual inclinations. As much as I am least bit ashamed of having a part of me which is irrational, I think of those self proclaimed rational people with scientific temper. If you belong to that tribe, let me warn you that this will dissapoint you. 

There is much of what happens around in the world I cannot rationalize. That is a weakness of my limited intellect and even more limited wisdom of my experience. As much as I am willing to learn what science has unraveled so far, I am doubtful of it's ability to explain why things happen the way they do. Till the time neuroscience, microbiology, particle physics, nano technology cannot answer the root of our being, I have the right to be agnostic about science itself. I also have the right to be faithful of my own experience.

It is in that spirit I write about the struggles so far of not having the space to talk about what I deeply believe in with folks at HKS. And these conversations come so naturally with folks at HGSE(Ed School). Why is that educators and everybody interested in education have a strong correlation with being deeply spiritual? On the flip side, why is that everybody interested in power of harder nature - economic and political are hesitant to talk about the spirituality of their lives. What drives them to do good? Why are they born? What is the purpose of our finite lives? Why is spirituality or soul or consciousness such a taboo word in power corridors? Is it because of the proximity to religion and the all familiar distasteful baggage religion brings with it? Or is it because that when you are in power, it corrupts you and you believe that you always have been self made rather than by some fortuitous turn of events combined with your hardwork?

I struggle everyday just taking my head to Kennedy school. What motivates me is mostly irrational. I believe and go with my intuition. I then retrofit it with my rational mind. It is hard to get myself excited about writing Stata code, or solving dynamic general equilibrium models, or figuring out the endogeneity problems. I easily get excited about any discussions on nature of motivation at work place, life long learning and how it happens and what makes people make the decisions that they take. I am even more excited when I hear narratives which talk of excellence in the spiritual realm and in the realm of public service. Not the showbiz kinds but the quiet, untold humble stories of daily good. It is in those narratives I find more oneness with the world than in the game theory of it all. Sure it is exciting to solve those problems on paper. I find it much harder to listen deeply when it happens in real life. Swami Vivekananda said the key to all knowledge and wisdom is in the silence of your mind. I tell myself on most days to resist the impulsion to talk, just shut up and listen. Listen very deeply to the things which are common. Listen very deeply and empathize by truly being the other person where the uncommon comes from.

As I meditate more and more everyday, I have grown in this wisdom that silence within is the music of nature. It has all the answers for the questions you struggle with on a daily basis. It unties the circular nature of our thoughts which bog us down.  I can't point to science to convince me why it happens so consistently and so successfully. But I have faith that the only power I have like Gandhiji once said is that of a mute prayer.

The difficulty of being good at Harvard - Part II - Heart

It is hard to disentangle the heart/mind/soul. I am sure for eons sages, philosophers and more recently neuroscientists et.al are wrestling with the same question. But I will use this loose working definition. Anything related to emotions and that which can be felt and articulated a little more concretely, as matters relating to that of the heart. Anything that can closely come into the realm of mystical, and incomprehensible to the writer himself, I will safely keep it for the soul(part III). Going to Harvard, writing the last part might get me labelled as being delusional(in some ways it has and I shall go into the emotional effects here!)

The title presupposes that I have been having a tough time. Which is not exactly true. I have been happy and more so grateful with all that has happened till date. But as Calvin rightly says, "Happiness isn't good enough for me, I demand euphoria!". This is about reconciling the kid within me who wants euphoria and the wise adult who is content with happiness. But if I stretch and ask myself, "Have I been myself in all the interactions?" "Have I had meaningful friendships which I wish to carry on for a lifetime?". The truth is a defnitely not a YES. I have struggled with my friendships at HKS. Especially come from a TFI culture, where deep friendships and heartfelt conversations were the norm, it was a hard transition to make. The fact that my best friends are folks at the Ed school highlights the disconnect between where my brain learns and where my heart yearns to be. More than anything else, it is a manifestation of who I am and what I expect from friendships. I have always been a relator, someone who will will risk himself with a few friends rather than the acquaintance of many. Share what is wonderfully common and give each other what we have in abundance. More often than not, speak more about mundane matters of heart than esoteric matters of the world. Bond over a quiet lunch or dinner rather than a loud ethanol and nicotine filled dance party.

While it has been disappointing to be on the fringes of a group and not totally belong, the feeling hit me more recently during a trip to Nashville. Over a period of 4 days, I felt I had more in common with some Fulbrighters than my classmates at HKS. I had exactly the kind of conversations, I had longed to have all the while. I had received and naturally gave a warmth of feeling which somehow was missing in the crimson red halls. I am not sure if it was the relaxed and holiday nature of the conference which bought out the best in everyone, or if it was a group which was not competing against each other, I could hear myself saying what I believed in. I realized in those moments how much my voice was stifled for the last 8 months. I could empathize in some way how it felt to feel inferior(self imposed or otherwise). I could imagine and empathize Dr.Ambedkar growing up, relegated to the last bench because everyone else belonged in the front. Being mocked for having a way of life and means different from the larger group. Voice and agency for him by virtue of his birth had to be much more hard earned compared to the others. I feel this way almost on most days at my school. My silence to most of the mocking that I get at school for being what I am is mistook as lack of voice. I can only barely imagine in a foreign land what it means to be a Dalit in India. Rather than reflecting a tone of victimhood, let me just say that I have found my objective equilibrium. Who am I to judge people around me? What I see is the color of the lens that I wear, a deep residual of negativity and bias which exists within me. The best response is to take a step back, accept all of it humbly in silence, and recognize the learning from the experience. One day I will have my share of respect for the person that I am, here in HKS and in future when I fight more tougher battles in politics in India.

“When we grow in spiritual consciousness, we identify with all there is in the world. Then there can be no exploitation. It is ourselves we are helping. It is ourselves we are healing.” said Dr. V. I will talk about the growth in spiritual consciousness or lack of it in the next part.

The difficulty of being good at Harvard - Part I - Brain

For the lack of creativity of making up an original title, I will borrow the title of Gurucharan Das's book. These are times I wonder if anything is ever original. Especially when I reflect on how our brain is influenced by the multitude of information and experiences we all go through. And as somebody who believes in Darwinism and consciousness in general, imagine the kind of evolution it has gone through before you got endowed with what you have. I will try and focus on challenges of being a Harvard jock for now though - intellectually, emotionally and spiritually. If someone is reading this, let me emphasize that I am a prisoner of my own past. This is only a colored reflection of how I view my experience at Harvard till date and in no way a judgement on how things are, at the most venerable institution of the world. 

How smart is smart enough? It is definitely one of the most, if not the THE most intellectually stimulating places that you could imagine. So much so that your brain simply does not have the ability to filter the inundation sometimes. When you are not worried about Hamiltonian or sub game perfect Nash equilibria or DGE models or probit/logit/tobit, you have the luxury of choosing between seminars, noteworthy speakers, discussion forums, study groups or random discussions with like minded friends. More often than not in the last 8 months, I never had the difficulty of having the luxury of such a choice. I literally picked up old pieces when I started working out the pre-read course work in June last year. I had to dust myself above my shoulders and start exercising some dormant parts of my brain. When I am not lost in the details of lectures, case workshops, problem sets and exams, I wonder like now what my objective function is! If it is to maximize learning, have I been free enough to learn without being trapped? Without being trapped by own ideologies, by my own delusions, by my own biases about countries, cultures and people. Almost everybody I have ran into at Harvard Kennedy School live mostly in their heads. It might be one of the highest IQ average surroundings I might ever get to be at. Having said that, I wonder how smart is smart enough? Having been a teacher myself, I have thought of learning as levels rather than absolute. Why do I care so much about my grades when I know that it is all a part of a learning curve. When I know that it measures a snapshot of my understanding at a certain point on the curve. Why I do not focus on moving to the next level instead relegating my self worth to a few letters? And more importantly, when nobody other than your imaginary competition only cares about them. Truly enjoying every moment of learning and being on the steep part of the curve has been the biggest challenge at Harvard. It has not been helped by an conventional culture of teaching and testing. There has not been a class so far where I have unconditionally enjoyed. Don't get me wrong. The professors here are exceptionally knowledgeable. But it is a classic supply-demand mismatch. What I get supplied is not stirring me enough? Or I am not demanding enough of what I really want from each course? Being an idealist and romantic that I am, I am still searching for that professor who is inspiring day in and day out. Whom you start thinking of when you get out of bed. Whose thoughts linger on when you eat your meals, brush your teeth or walk the yard. Maybe, I am a graduate student stuck with the delusion of wanting to be swayed by the power of a great teacher. I am not sure if any of my kids even remotely felt the same way about me?

Confucius said, " I hear I know, I see I remember, I do I understand". The noise to signal ratio is no different here than any other place. One of my commitments for ahead is to change that and do more by myself with what I hear and what I see. Hopefully, at the end of it I will be able to reach the Bloom's higher level of synthesis. And what I synthesize will be of practical utility!! Will move on to the challenges of the heart in the next reflection.